Keep it to Yourself

Don’t y’all hate when you tell people “you wish you had somebody to talk to.” And not actually talk but a shoulder to cry in that deep hug the you long for. A person who can listen and let you cry when needed. Sometimes you just be confused and stressed about everything going on around you forgot about yourself. But you can’t forget about yourself when you never thought about you. You so use to putting your feelings and emotions on the back burner that when you finally let them out nobody is listening or paying attention. Funny right, you can be the first person to step up when you’re needed the most but also the first person to be put done when you need them the most. You make sacrifices and compromises but it’s not reciprocated. And people sit there and wonder why you stay quiet. So quick to say you’re fine but dying in the inside. So quick to show a smile with a blank face behind it. People tell you to talk but want to lecture you about your feelings. Where they do that at? They say don’t keep it in but they reason you stay so quiet. You try and try but you don’t feel like you’re being heard. So now you feel crazy(er) for even saying anything you make yourself believe it’s all in your head. Shake it off go cry in the dark behind a close door shut up before anyone sees or hears. The damage is done what’s left to do. Well you have options for the more mentally challenged you’re ready to say good bye. Emotionally challenged you just wake up and cry every morning before you start your day. You practically starve yourself because you think your to good for food especially when your broke. You think to yourself (food is for the working not the unemployed). Practically starving yourself because you to drained to even get out of bed so you lay there holding in your pee and listening to your stomach growl at you because it’s hungry. Headache from crying and not sleeping. Thinking about how the bills are going to get paid can’t stop thinking about them when you’re being reminded by them each day it pasts the due date. You think to yourself where did I go wrong in life. Is there where I’m suppose to be. Is this the devil cause of it is he’s doing one hell of a job I gotta give it to him. Contemplating life decisions trying figure if you should run for the hills or keeping fighting. Your is well let’s just say rainbows and butterflies to one and to the other the chain is snapping slowly but surely. Oh you’ll figure it out (that’s what you tell yourself when there’s nothing in play). Your only client friend grows from the ground…….