Lost, Where to go from Here?

On the road to wellness: navigating the journey to a healthier lifestyle.

Just recently I've noticed how I've been feeling lost, confused in my relationship, useless, and all around depressed.

Have you ever considered where you would be in your life when staring at your present day self? Ever wonder what if things were different, went different, or played out different? You start to notice little things that grow gradually into bigger things until you realize that its either you or the obstacle blocking you. However, when it comes to that said obstacle you struggle to overcome it. To overcome the fear and ability to get back to you or finding you. After years of neglecting yourself now you have to start over and repurpose who you are.

Well thats me, now 2025 3 years later codependent, attached, depressed 26 year old woman lost. Lost after two accidents, multiple hospital visit from covid and seizures and q four year relationship that you put first and forgot about yourself. Now i'm sitting on the back burner and all along I've been asking myself when its my turn to come up, to stop struggling to make something of myself. Build the legacy for my future life. Yet, it comes back to one question where, when, and how to start from the beginning. How can you rebuild whats so broke. Broken so many times its to many pieces to pick up. So many times that you give way earlier than you should. Remind standing and fighting but numb to it all. Life washing away each year passes.

In two months I'll be 27 and the only thing i have to show is two car notes (unintentionally) and an associate badge with my name on it. What happen to life as a kid, wanting to be a teacher at the age of five, curiosity about psychology striking in college, expanding the dynamic of your friend group and sexuality. College was fun but hell so is adulting. They never tell you or teach you how life will be once you take that step into the real world called whoop ass in a can. Because thats exactly what I've been going thru, getting y ass handed to me by life. They don't tell you when you fall it won't be as easy getting up as an adult then a kid. They don't tell you when you cry that your weak and it's not expressing feelings.

If I haven't learned anything as an adult I've learned to to STAY MY ASS AT HOME AND AWAY FROM PEOPLE! Don't get me wrong once a loner always a loner nonetheless, i have friends, i can make friends, but, they don't last. Friends last like jobs, they wait until the right moment to fire you so there's no liability on there end.

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This year I am focusing on myself, finding me. Who I am what I am, what I want to do and stat pushing myself out of my comfort. taking control of my depression and anxiety and stripping away the fear to be and do what i was suppose to do. The goal is to grow in all aspects of my life finically spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally. Become stable, balance , and sound with myself and surroundings and explore what i am capable of. As someone who does not sit still and has an attention spam of a two year old I need to take advantage of my creative side and let the light live. So what if the work is ugly, of the blog is bad. So what if the nails aren't even practice and consistence is my biggest enemy. With one step at a time little by little I will grow and move into the directions and rooms i was ment to be in.